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Comments:
You have to realize that online dating leaves a lot of explanaition about ones self. So in an attempt to make themselves look more appealing, the line that stands between exaggeration and deception becomes very gray.
My initial reaction is that you're talking too much in one go. And in my experience, only highly charismatic guys who are adept at holding an audience's attention can get away with that kind of approach. And/or you're a stand-up comedian. And, to be honest, none of what you've listed was funny to me. But, YMMV, as Carhill would say.
Please don't let your size keep you from having sex. Even if a girl mentions her size preference, it does not mean she would not enjoy sex with you. Unless she is ONLY in it for the sex, and even then a small guy can make up for it in many ways. Trust me.